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Sunday, 20 November 2005
The Winner Never Wins: Miss Trannyshack Pageant 2005
The following will be printed in this week's edition of the Bay Area Reporter, which hits the streets on Wednesday:
The Miss Trannyshack Pageant has a long and scandalous history of rarely crowning the true winners in this annual contest of “fierceness.” Last year’s pageant was fraught with drama (well-documented in Sasha Aickin’s excellent documentary, Blood, Sweat, & Glitter), as many felt that either Kiddie or Diva Dan should have won, rather than the very sweet Anna Conda. With some notable exceptions (2002’s Suppositori Spelling and 2003’s Fauxnique immediately come to mind), the celebrity judges often seem to make dubious, unpopular decisions, leaving the crowd collectively scratching their heads going, “What the fuck?”
This year’s contest at the Regency Ballroom last Saturday was no exception.
Based on crowd response, over-the-top spectacle, and an enormous “wow” factor that clearly outshined the other contestants, first runner-up Faux Pas seemed like the clear winner. Her performance necessitated a protracted set-up time, but the act was well worth the wait. From start to finish, the number was a fully conceptualized piece of art-theatre, complete with a towering 30-foot-tall sculpture made to look like a metal tree as its set piece. Lip-syncing to Sinead O’Connor’s dramatically epic “Troy,” Faux Pas was suspended from the tree, while stilt-walkers danced around holding fire. As the song crescendoed, the tree was set ablaze, and she was hoisted up into the air, high above the crowd. Eventually, she was swung back and forth, spinning around while dangling from the flaming metal tree – and that’s when the crowd gasped in shock and surprise – for she was not suspended from a harness, but from metal hooks pierced into her back. It truly took the term “fierce” to new levels, and allowed MCs Heklina and Peaches Christ plenty of opportunities to crack puns (“The number had me hanging on the edge!” “It was on fire!” “I was hooked!”)
While plenty of other numbers were good, nothing else even came close to this level of production value. Apparently, Faux Pas had to secure and help pay for a fire permit just to do this performance. Now that’s commitment! Heklina even made references to the fire marshal being just off-stage, ready to shut down her show at a moment’s notice.
Of course, that never happened, and the evening offered up many other surprises of the non-fiery variety. Randy, who was this year’s second runner-up, was the token “gender-fuck” contestant, performing as a faux drag king (a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man — try to wrap your head around that) in an homage to ’70s gay male iconography. Foxy Cotton performed as a remote-controlled toy doll, a Christmas present who, along with other toy dolls, eventually turns on the kid controlling her. Other contestants in the pageant included Poison Ivy, Raya Light, and Calamity.
Although the winning performance by Coco Canal was well-done, it ultimately paled in comparison to Faux Pas’s. Performing to Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty,” it was complete with what have now become Miss Trannyshack Pageant hallmarks: video and choreographed back-up dancers. Ever since Vinsantos won in 2000, partially due to a spectacular short film that complemented his performance, it has become standard practice to perform with an accompanying video. Coco was no exception. However, it brought nothing new to the table, simply being an interpretation of Aguilera’s original music video. It was solid, but hardly groundbreaking.
This year played out much like previous year’s upsets, where popular performers such as Kennedy and Squeaky Blonde were beat out by drag nobodies Kay White and Mangela Lansbury, in ’98 and ’99, respectively. All anyone remembers from ’99’s pageant was Kennedy’s epic “Bohemian Rhapsody” number, dressed as Marie Antoinette in the biggest ball gown and wig you’ve ever seen. One year from now, the only thing anyone will remember about last Saturday’s Pageant will be Faux Pas hanging by hooks from a flaming metal tree. It’s unfortunate that she now joins a long line of deserving drag luminaries mysteriously robbed of the Miss Trannyshack crown.
ADDENDUM
I found out some information after this article had already gone to press. Wish I knew about this beforehand, but it all just adds to the drama. Something definitely smells fishy. Anyway, here's the dirt:
According to the rules of the pageant, no contestant is allowed to use lube of any form in the contest. Lube does not wipe up easily, remaining slippery on stage no matter how much you try to scrub it off. Considering the number of stiletto heels in this show, it's not surprising that it's strictly forbidden.
However, during the swimsuit portion of the contest, immediately after Coco Canal's appearance (which featured her "fellating" a hunky boy and "cum" dripping out of her mouth) it was discovered that there was lube on the stage. Heklina and Juanita More proceded to make a big stink about it while on stage, with Juanita storming off, claiming that she was going to "rip Coco a new asshole."
Shouldn't Coco have been disqualified from the competition because of this? I'm not saying that she shouldn't have performed – she just should not have been allowed to win. Instead, she breaks the rules (with what appears to be an underhanded move straight out of Showgirls or All About Eve) and ends up with the crown? WHAT THE FUCK?
Seriously... WTF? Does Heklina meticulously plan scandal and drama every year, just to stir up controversy (and keep people talking)? Probably not, but it sure seems like it, given the past two years of the Miss Trannyshack Pageant.
18:05 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Email this
Comments
yeah i just couldn't believe it. coco's dancers were okay, but faux pas was so far over the top that you'd have to have a really narrow idea of what drag is not to give her the prize. does anyone know the judges' reasoning??
Posted by: fluxxx | Sunday, 20 November 2005
This kind of contest is unique. I do suggest that contestants have to be sub par to win. Anyway, the winners are declared based on the fact that they do not deserve to win.
Posted by: Online Wong PoKér Hu | Monday, 21 November 2005
I think you summed it up perfectly. I mean, are the conceptual performances too 'arty' for the celebrity judges to wrap their heads around to 'get it'? Or are they just too busy schmoozing/being schmoozed to really pay enough attention to realize the import of what's being portrayed? I dunno. But what I do know is that Faux Pas truly outshone everyone that stage by far. Again, just a bummer.
Posted by: Sean | Monday, 21 November 2005
From what I saw on Saturday night, Faux Pas' gorgeous performance was the only one to get a standing ovation from the judges...
Posted by: Lopenski | Monday, 21 November 2005
I dunno, maybe they have to think about who is going to represent Trannyshack for the next year or something, and maybe Coco makes a better representative than Faux Pas?? I thought her number was gorgeous too but some people were kind of either grossed out by it or thought her "performance" was kinda blah. I really liked the one about self-acceptance, I can't remember who did it now actually, where she transformed from a southern belle to a goth girl. Again not very campy, more performance art, but at least it has some thought to it and a message and isn't just campy. I prefered that definitely over the go-go boys which got tired real fast.
Posted by: MissE | Monday, 21 November 2005
while i do agree with much of what is said in this post, i have to say that self-mutilation (whether by hooks or a branding iron) in a contest situation REEKS of manipulation and severely detracts from the impact of such performances. if you want to be in porn, make a film.
the tradition of self mutilation in performance art is very rich. however, so many artists have gone so much further in exploring it than we have seen in the past two years at trannyshack. so, rather than seeming like they are pushing boundaries, faux pas and kiddie's acts seem cliche in comparison.
my tip? don't engage in being shocking just to shock us into declaring you the winner. take these elements out of their performances and kiddie and faux pas would have walked away with the tiaras and sashes.
Posted by: dunstan christopher | Tuesday, 22 November 2005
I love Faux Pas and I think her number was gorge. With that being said...the judges probably judged on technical mis-haps(such as her wig coming off and her trying to get it back on instead of just going on with the performance). I also think it's really arrogant to assume that hanging fron hooks is more than just exhibiting someones threshold of pain. Yes, some might call it "Art", but I personally think it's bells and whistles. Yes there was fire and a big stage prop, but the lip synch was mediocre and there wasn't much passion. It all hinged on her hanging fron hooks. Shock value doesn't pay off at the pageant. Look what happened to Kiddie...
Posted by: anonymous | Tuesday, 22 November 2005
O.K., here goes my 'ahh, she's so sweet' comment.
I have a friendship or acqauintence with all of the
entrants this year.
However, I feel the top three were correctly selected.
In what order, that makes no difference to me.
To them it does.
I made no secret to anyone that my favorite to win was
Fauxpas!, but that is because I enjoy what she gives.
But knowing Fauxpas!, she is going to graciously move
forward in her career and continue doing what she
does best, that is giving incredible performances anytime
she hits the stage.
CoCo will make a perfect Miss Trannyshack, her performances are always fun and over the top Trannyshack.
Besides, I should have Fucking won last year, see, the
real winner never wins, but I am rich in love and friendship, time to slit my throat now.
Get me on your mailing list Adrian, thanks for the blog.
XO C-Dough
Posted by: Cookie Dough | Tuesday, 22 November 2005
I totally disagree with the article…
HEKLINA has nothing to do with who wins.
If you enter the contest, does it really matter if you win or lose? Really it's just an opportunity for these artists to perform for a huge roaring audience of supportive fans with real production in a gorgeous venue. I mean, come on… what do you really get out of it in the end? The great thing about FAUX PAS is that she didn't enter to win... she was just in it to put on a great show. and she did. (FYI, her tower was only 15'.) Actually most of the contestants had the same attitude. Randy and Coco were so great to work with. They made the show a lot of fun. RAYA LIGHT was one of my favorites... a strong performance with without all the unnecessary fluff. Out of all the contestants I do think that Coco and Randy would represent TRANNYSHACK the best. Their characters are crude, fun, hilarious and trashy… all the things I love about Trannyshack.
Posted by: JUAN | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
COCO didn't put lube on the stage. She was wrongfully accused and deserves a major apology. It was another contestant that made the mess prior to COCO coming onto the stage. I do think that people should be disqualified for breaking the rules and putting other performers and expensive production equipment in danger. Yes, every performer was told to keep LUBE and OILS out of their numbers many many times.
Posted by: JUAN | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
The judges also gave RAndy a standing ovation...
Posted by: Bradley | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
Unlike your dissection of the Trannyshack documentary, which I found insightful and wholly accurate, your account of the pageant was significantly skewed. If you bothered to do any investigating or interviewing to back up any of the things you write about in your blog or the BAR article, I'm sure you would've come to a much different conclusion. But alas, the deadline of making the issue immediately following the pageant takes precedence, and Coco Canal, and yes, Faux Pas too, have to suffer. Let's take it from the top shall we? The bottle on stage during the swimsuit portion was not Coco's, as Juan stated. Foxy had been threatening for weeks to lube up his slip 'n' slide during the swimsuit portion of the show. Whether or not this bottle was poppers, which if it was then it was probably Randy's, or lube, which would've made it Foxy's for sure, who knows? The point is, it was being knocked all over stage by Heckles, Juanita and the rest of the ontestants all during the swimsuit portion of the show. Just watch any of the three videos recorded and you'll see this going on. As for the puddle, who knows what it was. The only fluids in Coco's swimsuit number were water and condensed milk, and that puddle was not milky white. If it was so difficult to clean up then it probably was lube, therefore, it wasn't Coco's. As for the talent numbers. I don't know from what vantage point you saw the performances Adrian, but if you were where I was, sitting right next to the judges, you could see several things go wrong in Faux Pas' number. True, Faux's number was epic, sublime, cathartic, and full of pathos, but communicating those qualities in a perofrmace are inantely harder to do, or more diffcult than a seemless comedic performace. Speaking of seemless, Faux's number was anything but. I believe Faux Pas is a gifted performer, but too many things went wrong in her number to be declared the winner. Her techs were still hooking her in while she was already beginning her lip-sync. Mind you they were dressed in street clothes, not all black as they should've been, and were clearly in the spotlight. Not good. Very distracting. It took them too long to get her harnessed. This besides the numbe taking too long to set up in the first place. Thirdly, her techie had to again come into the spotlight on two spearate occasions to give Faux a push so that she could have flying space to work with. Again, distracting. Fourthly, her wig fell off. How the hell does anyone think that someone who loses their wig can win a pageant? I might be seen as a little harsh here, but come on people, it's one of the worst things that can happen. Fifthly, the box of butterflies that were supposed to fly out didn't work properly; they all just fell on to the floor and walked around. This also warranted her techie to step into the briht, white spotlight. And finally, the big tree itself. Nothing against Faux Pas, in my opinion she deserved to be 1st-runner up, because 1st-runner up is a wonderful honor, and her number was a spectacle, but her number was too reliant on apparatus. Her performance, which need I remind you is what this pageant is all about, was trapped behind all the iron and fire. Personally, what Faux Pas did is more my style of Trannyshack performance, don't forget that I was 'IN' both Vinsantos' and Kiddie's pageant numbers, and have been attending the club weekly since the summer of '98. This being said, I know of where I speak. Coco's number was just as difficult to pull of, just as much time and energy went into the production, and you know what else, just as many things could've gone wrong with her performance as with Faux's, but they didn't. It was one of the tightest performances I've ever seen at Trannyshack. She wasn't a phoenix that rose from the flames, she didn't play the art card, she doesn't have to. Coco was true to herself... perhaps if you dug a little harder before you write and publish, some truth to all this might've come out of you. Next time, eh? But unfortunatley, Coco's just a scapegoat, and Faux Pas is a pawn for everyone's love of drama, and their own personal, performance frustrations. Dying is easy, comedy is hard.
Posted by: Bobby Barber | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
(misprint... don't gedt the wrong idea) "but communicating those qualities AREN'T inately harder to do..." (sorry Coco)
Posted by: Bobby Barber | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
I'M GETTING SUCKED IN...
Is it just me or does this story come off as MEAN? HEKLINA and these contestants/performers (old and new) work so hard to create such a great thing that can never be duplicated. I'd be proud to be part of such a wild experience whether I won or not. The prize is really the opportunity to be in the pageant. They really must love it to go to such lengths to put on these shows. I'm always so inspired afterwards.
Posted by: JUAN | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
Dear Mr. Roberts,
You have written a solid op-ed piece in place of an actual review. As a new fan of TrannyShack and the performers, I was thrilled to see the performances at Saturday nights’ show. ALL of them. Which, clearly, you did not. Your article and subsequent blog posting are both so full of holes that it makes me wonder if you were even AT the pageant that night for more than just Faux Pas’ number. Had you been there, then your addendum about the Lube On Stage and its requisite ensuing Drama would have made it to print. I know this because both Heklina and Juanita Moore talked about it for about 10 minutes while the stagehands worked to clean it up. Not after the fact, not the next day, but right there, during the pageant, in the spotlight. That said, printing / posting hearsay as Fact is irresponsible and reeks of school-aged insecurity. Regardless, your one-note article singing the praises of Faux Pas, while mentioning only two of the additional 6 performances, is woefully truncated. What about Foxxy, Poison Ivy, Raya Light and Calamity? They are mentioned in your blog but, it appears, were cut from the print article. A pity, since your keen eye for detail, which omitted the fact that Faux Pas’ WIG FELL OFF in her number, could have given us some real insight. As Mr. Barber previously noted, each time Ms. Pas wanted to take flight, a stagehand had to push her. Granted, the Miss TrannyShack pageant isn’t exactly the pinnacle of theatrical wizardry, but when the young man emerged to propel her into swinging “flight” for the second time, I couldn’t help but think she was Trying Too Hard. Not only that, but you’re competing in a DRAG QUEEN PAGEANT, and your wig FALLS OFF. I know I’m new to this, but isn’t that a big deal? Struggling with her wig that was caught in her frightful back-hook-“flight”-rigging-contraption, Faux Pas also messed up her lip sync, which, despite the flaming tree and people on stilts, was the only thing SHE was actually DOING. Yes Faux Pas was arty, yes Hurting Yourself is the New Black, yes people on stilts are COOL, but it was all so serious. When I come to a drag show I expect raunch, hilarity, and FUN, all of which were missing from Ms. Pas’ performance. Coco Canal’s performance, on the other hand, perfectly encapsulated those missing elements. Club dancers, an integrated video, a homeless rapper and a birth on stage – now that’s what I’m talking about! It was high-energy, entertaining and FUN. And, at the end of the day when you take off the glitter, the lashes and the make-up, isn’t that what it’s all about? Isn’t Drag, in all of its conceivable manifestations, at its worst, common escapism? Who wants to see women being mutilated and explosions? Just open your newspaper or turn on the TV. The real skill lies in taking the audience somewhere different, somewhere unexpected and exciting, somewhere they don’t have to wallow in superficial misery. Coco Canal won because she perfectly embodies the spirit of TrannyShack: A little Rauch and Circumstance go a long way. (She is also the only one of the 7 contestants that I have seen perform with any regularity at the Tuesday night TrannyShack show).
Posted by: Tranny Shack Fan! | Wednesday, 23 November 2005
So nice to see so many comments. We all enjoy lively dialogue, don`t we? I still stand by what I wrote. While I enjoyed Coco`s number, I simply thought Faux Pas`s had more pathos. Just an opinion, not an objective review. I can see how Coco won... although Juanita and Heklina never clarified on stage that the lube was NOT Coco`s. They probably should have done that.
Posted by: Adrian | Thursday, 24 November 2005
I think the really upsetting thing is not that Faux Pas should have won or that Coco should have known better than to use lube on the stage. The disappointing part of all this is that you Adrian feel compelled to drag this out in a vain attempt to steal the spotlight from every queen who worked so hard on this show. Three words sweetie...let it go...and if that's not enough, here are more...the real winner DID win!
Posted by: Noelle | Friday, 25 November 2005
i went to pangeant and experienced walking through the loby after the results and heard many people upset that faux pas did not win and have heard many people this week express anger and frustration about the judging of these pageants this week. the comments attacking adrian act as if he is the only one who feels this way. it is something that is a community issue and discussion. a good journalist would naturally be called to write about it.the comments in response to this article have been much more brutal than what adrian wrote. why shred Faux Pas her show was brilliant.piercings and modificatons are apart of her life, not for shock value for one show , her show was definetly the most difficult technically and pyhsically to pull off and alot of the of the set up time was spent cleaning up the stage for safety.
Posted by: anonymous | Friday, 25 November 2005
Noelle: You've GOT to be kidding me if you sincerely believe that is Adrian's motivation for sharing his critical opinion. What a tired, adolescent retort. (Essentially saying: "You're just jealous!") WTF? Uh huh...
Posted by: anonymous | Friday, 25 November 2005
WAH WAH WAH
I Think everybody needs to just shut the fuck up
and start focusing on the next [best] creative endeavor.
Love,
Mary the bitch nurse
Posted by: Miss Mary "G" | Friday, 25 November 2005
You queens are so funny! Did I say funny? OOps, I meant to say bitter.
Posted by: over it | Wednesday, 30 November 2005